Instead of saying “Let me know what you need …”


A friend of mine is going through a hard time right now and I’ve been trying to help her in the best way I can. She wrote this to me today, and with her permission, I copied it almost word for word to what she wrote, but I removed all references to her and other names to protect her identity and the identity of her friends and family.

People that sincerely want to help need to learn to take action and ask for forgiveness later. Because most people are too proud to ask for help.  Unfortunately that mentality won’t change. So we need to educate the helpers (friends that want to help) on how they can FORCE the help.

For example, when you said you were on your way up to help, knowing full well I wouldn’t ask, you just did it and at the time I didn’t realize how glad I was that you were here.

Another friend did something similar when she said she already made us dinner and told me to either let her in or stop by and get it when we’re going out.

The girls at the shop said, we’re not taking no for an answer, we’ve got the shop, you stay home with your husband; you don’t have to worry or close the store.

So many people have asked if they can help and I say no we’re fine.  We do that because

  • We are too proud to ask
  • We’re so deep in the situation and emotion we don’t realize we need help.
  • But when people do it without asking permission I noticed how kind, helpful and what a relief that was but didn’t even realize it at the time.

    I also know there’s only so much we can do for the one dying except make sure they are getting the medical treatment they need but by helping the rest of the family, the one dying can rest easier knowing their loved ones are being helped and cared for like you’ve done.

    As my husband says everyday as he points to me, “all my focus is on making sure she’s taken care of.”

    So to think of a few things people can do without asking might be:

  • I made you dinner
  • I’m coming to walk your dog on this day.
  • I’m coming to clean your house or do laundry.
  • I’m coming to pick up your kids for a play day with my kids.
  • I’m coming just to sit with you
  • I’m bringing some basic groceries
  • I’m bring some bourbon and beer…lol.
  • I know you like xxxx. I’m bring you some to help you cope.